If you were wandering through the woods alone, would you feel safer if you ran into a strange man, a bear, or a woman living in a house made of candy?
Consideration #1: If you feel endangered, which situation will likely have the easiest escape route?
Bear
Bears are extremely fast and not only that but they can climb trees, so if you are endangered by a bear, you likely will have absolutely no way out whatsoever.
Man
Men can quickly make you feel endangered if they seem to want to murder you or have sex with you or invite you to their improv show. And if they use enough of that manly charisma (or sheer strength), it can be pretty difficult to escape.
Woman living in a house made of candy
But if a woman living in a house made of candy makes you feel endangered and like you need to leave immediately, you can shove her into her own oven the second she turns her back on you and run back home following the breadcrumbs that hopefully no birds ate.
Consideration #2: Think about which story will be most believable
Bear
If you get attacked by a bear and make it out alive, people will think you were exaggerating.
Man
If you get attacked by a man and make it out alive, people will wonder why you were alone in the woods in the first place.
Woman living in a house made of candy
If you get almost cooked and eaten by a woman living in a house made of candy and make it out alive, everyone will KNOW you’re telling the truth because your brother who is a male will be there to corroborate your story.
Consideration #3: Being able to predict the intentions of the other party is important
Bear
A bear’s intentions fluctuate based on the season, its hunger level, and whether or not it thinks you can prevent forest fires.
Man
A man’s intentions fluctuate based on factors like if he has a high-powered job in Hollywood, if he slept with a porn star and then paid her hush money so she wouldn’t ruin his presidential campaign, and if he has had a long day at work and just needs to unwind.
Woman living in a house made of candy
But if you meet a woman living in a house made of candy, she only has one intention, and that intention is making sure you and your brother eat a whole lot of candy and get as fat as possible so she can cook and eat you.
When it comes to wilderness survival, it’s often better not to have to guess!
Leggy Blonde 