This week I thought I would find something a little less…romantic (which, you guys, is so hard when finding a Christmas movie. Something about this holiday sure puts movie makers in the mood).
But, I in fact, found one that has very little to do with romance and a lot to do with Santa going to jail.
Small Town Santa: On the eve of Christmas, Sheriff Rick Langston has lost his holiday spirit. But when he arrests a home intruder claiming to be Santa Claus, his world gets turned upside down.
Beginning scene: A young whiny girl is on the phone with her dad, begging him to come over for Christmas. The dad, a handsome local sheriff, sits at his desk in the dark at the police station and gives her excuse after excuse about how “Your mom and I don’t get along too well.”
Then a bunch of stuff happens that doesn’t matter at all, like Young Whiny Girl having a dream about being in Santa’s toy shop, or a couple of naughty teenage hooligans coming into the police station after throwing eggs at a house.
A few hours later, a homeless man comes into the police station, turning himself in for stealing the local church’s baby Jesus from the nativity scene (oh no!!). Clearly he just wants a hot meal and a place to sleep, and that fact doesn’t escape the sassy black female cop (diversity!). She tells him no sirree! But the other two cops, Handsome Local Sheriff and this scrawny blonde cop, insist that she let him go to the jail cell. Which is for some reason located within their small office.
A bunch more unimportant stuff happens, like how we learn that Scrawny Blonde Cop has a toddler, a wife, and a terrible relationship with his trashy mother-in-law. The next few scenes are also laced with more witty comments from Sassy Black Female Cop, of course. And a scene where Handsome Local Sheriff yells at kids for throwing snowballs as he drives home.
When Handsome Local Sheriff gets home, he finds a jolly old man with a white beard and a red plaid shirt in his kitchen. He claims he’s Santa! Just looking for cookies! But Handsome Local Sheriff doesn’t buy it, and brings him to the jail with Alcoholic Homeless Man.
While they’re at the sheriff’s office, a hot blonde mom and her teenage daughter come to the station to deliver canned goods. Chimes play. Looks like there IS some romance in this movie! Unfortunately, the daughter is a sassy rebellious teenager. Ugh.
A bunch of other stuff happens that doesn’t matter at all.
Some more stuff happens that doesn’t matter at all.
Nativity scene with a stuff monkey (baby Jesus got stolen remember?)
In the meantime, Alcoholic Homeless Man and Jolly Old Man Claiming to be Santa have a lot of heartwarming interactions in the jail cell. Jolly Old Man Claiming to be Santa even convinces Alcoholic Homeless Man to stop drinking! It’s a Christmas miracle.
Some more scenes about the Hot Blonde Mom and Handsome Local Sheriff bonding.
Some church scenes.
Handsome Local Sheriff comes back to the sheriff station to check on his inmates. A lot of heartwarming conversation later, he lets them out. Another Christmas miracle.
The climax! At Scrawny Cop’s house (yes, his trashy mother-in-law is there! Drinking too much white wine as usual!) The whole town has shown up, and everyone is in the Christmas spirit. In fact, Alcoholic Homeless Man has decided to become a realtor again like he was before he became alcoholic and homeless.
He overhears a conversation about how a recently engaged woman (yes, we see the proposal!) needs to find a new house now that she’s getting married. He gives her his realtor card…guys, I think everything is going to work out for everyone.
I won’t spoil the ending or tell you about how Handsome Local Sheriff and Hot Blonde Mom kiss by the fireplace, but it’s surely a movie that will give you the holiday tingles.