Everyone. I have a job interview.
My days of preparing iced chai lattes for tweens and consistently smelling like grilled cheese could be coming to a close.
But of course, in preparation for the Big Event, I’ve been talking with friends and family for advice, and combing through websites for job interview do’s and do not’s.
I stumbled upon the 50 Most Common Job Interview Mistakes, a piece published by the Graduate Business Career Services department at the University of Florida. And boy am I thankful I found this!
“You may have heard the horror stories- job hunters who take phone calls or texts during an interview, or bring out a sandwich and start chomping, or brush their hair, or worse. You wouldn’t do any of those things, would you? Of course not. But there are tons of other job interview no-no’s you may not have thought of. Or that you’ve forgotten. The job hunting trail is long and arduous, and a little refresher course can’t hurt. So for your enjoyment, here are 50 (yes, 50!) of the worst and most common job interview mistakes.”
- Failing to make a strong case for why you are the best person for this job.
I mean isn’t that really the only mistake people make?
- Failing to listen to what the interviewer is saying.
What did you say? I can have the job?
- Lighting up a cigarette, or smelling like a cigarette.
It helps me relax, LIGHTEN UP.
- Bad-mouthing your last boss.
But he never let me smoke or chew tobacco in the office.
- Name-dropping or bragging or sounding like a know-it-all.
Uh, okay, but both Steve Jobs and Bill Gates have actually told me I do know it all, so I don’t really know how you expect me to not share this information during a job interview.
- Forgetting the name of your interviewer.
Not my fault she’s not wearing a name tag.
- Bringing along a friend, or your mother.
But she has so many good things to say about me!
- Inquiring about benefits too soon.
“How much vacation will I get?” “I never have to stay past 5:00, right?” “I’ve had this weird rash for awhile, when do the health benefits kick in?”
- Wearing a ton of perfume or aftershave.
Okay, well I thought you didn’t want me to smell like a cigarette.
- Chewing gum, tobacco, your pen, your hair.
Well this is starting to sound like a really boring job interview.
- Wearing sunglasses.
But what if I want them to think I’m cool.
- Talking about salary requirements too soon.
Okay, first things first, what are you people going to pay me? Because if it’s not enough, this interview frankly isn’t worth my time.
- Failing to remember what you wrote on your resume.
Sorry! It’s just that my mom wrote it for me and I don’t have it memorized.
- Shaking hands too weakly, or too firmly.
Boy this is becoming a lot to remember.
- Laughing, giggling, whistling, humming, etc.
Some people are so stuffy.
- Failing to make eye contact (or making continuous eye contact).
How the heck am I supposed to remember all this stuff.
- Becoming angry or defensive.
These University of Florida researchers sure thought of everything.
- Failing to ask for the job.
Wait, why did I come here again?
Anyways, wish me luck! This sure is a lot to keep in mind while being grilled about my career and my professional goals.