My Life Goals That Probably Aren’t Anyone Else’s Life Goals

  • Grow old enough to make it onto the Today Show’s Smuckers segment
  • Get the “confirmed” stamp next to my Twitter name
  • Try grape stomping (does that even exist anymore?)
  • Turn my name into a verb (“Oh my God, you went Rachel Marshing for the second time this week??”)
  • Have an assistant
  • Learn how to prevent pilling
  • Be one of the balloon holders at the Macy’s Day Parade
  • Meet a bodyguard for the president
  • Win a sandcastle contest
  • Get autopsyed by Dr. G (I guess this is a post-life goal)
  • Get on the Price is Right
  • Get on the Price is Right and win a car
  • Get on the Price is Right, win a car, and appear completely apathetic towards my prize.
  • Learn how to toss pizza dough in the air
  • Be invited onto a talk show (even if a paternity test has to be involved)
  • Live in a hot air balloon like Moody’s mom on the Amanda Show
  • Perfect an origami swan
  • Have a street named after me
  • Become a temple guard on Legends of the Hidden Temple and ruin the contestants’ chances at winning a Zenith TV/VCR combo.
  • Learn how to produce Girl Scout Cookies and sell them ALL YEAR LONG
  • Have my own Wikipedia page
  • Come up with a product that turns into an infomercial