Which “Friends” Character Are You?

We’re all familiar with that classic sitcom that reflected the height of ’90s comedy – filled with irony, puns, and of course…a laugh track so we all knew when the writers were trying to be funny.

If you grew up watching the iconic show that is “Friends,” you may in fact feel like these characters are more like feel more like “family” than “friends”! But, among these six quirky, lovable, mostly one-dimensional characters, which one do YOU most identify with?

Let’s find out together!


On a Friday night, you can be found…

  1. Shopping
  2. Cleaning
  3. Watching a documentary
  4. Nothing. Absolutely nothing.
  5. Doing a whole lot of acid which would explain a lot about a lot
  6. Banging a bunch of women

What kind of people are attracted to you?

  1. Coffee shop owners
  2. Men with thick mustaches
  3. Rachel, when she doesn’t have anyone else
  4. Like pretty much no one
  5. Paul Rudd
  6. Like pretty much everyone

What were you like in high school?

  1. I was a cheerleader and popular because the two obviously go hand in hand
  2. I was fat and unpopular because the two obviously go hand in hand
  3. I was the smartest one in my class
  4. I didn’t have any friends mostly because I used bad comedy to mask my deeper issues
  5. I didn’t go because I was busy living on the streets instead
  6. I never went to class but boy was I popular with the ladies

What kind of food do you eat?

  1. Nothing, I don’t want to gain weight!
  2. Idk I’m a chef so whatever chefs eat
  3. I like this turkey sandwich that my sister makes
  4. I think I was seen eating cereal one time
  5. Not meat, that’s for sure!
  6. Literally anything

Do you like puns?

  1. No
  2. No
  3. No
  4. Yes
  5. No
  6. No

What’s your least favorite thing about your friends?

  1. They don’t constantly think about how pretty I am
  2. Some of them remember when I was fat
  3. They don’t care about fossils
  4. They don’t get my jokes
  5. They don’t believe in my psychic powers
  6. They take up the time where I could be having sex with women

What is your body type?

  1. Abnormally skinny
  2. Abnormally skinny
  3. Sometimes it fluctuates depending on how many drugs I’m on in real life
  4. Average
  5. Regular skinny
  6. Pretty buff I guess

Do you have any children?

  1. Yes, one. Whoopsies!
  2. Yes, I adopted twins
  3. Yes, from two different women
  4. Yes, I adopted twins
  5. Yes, but they’re my brother’s
  6. I’m sure I have a few out there somewhere

Have you ever been married?

  1. Yes, once. Whoopsies!
  2. Yes, because I wanted to have children and I could feel my eggs drying up
  3. Holy crap yes like a bunch of times
  4. Yes, to my best friend and the woman of my dreams
  5. Yes but it was mostly this whole green card situation. Oh and another time after that.
  6. Nah

How do you pick up people of the opposite sex?

  1. Wear shirts that show off my nips
  2. Cook for them
  3. Impress them with my boring intelligence
  4. I don’t.
  5. Write them a song
  6. Ask them “How you doin’?” which somehow works every time

What are your parents like?

  1. Overbearing but rich so it works out overall
  2. Quirky and Jewish
  3. Quirky and Jewish
  4. One is a slut and one is a drag queen
  5. One is dead and one is Bob Balaban
  6. Ummmm Italian?

What is the most exotic person you’ve ever dated?

  1. A hunky Italian
  2. I almost hit on Jean Claude van Damme one time
  3. A Chinese woman. Also an African-American woman because the producers thought it was about time to introduce a black person into the show
  4. Janice
  5. A gay Canadian ice skater
  6. Name a country.

What kind of haircut do you have?

  1. The Rachel
  2. Plain brown but one time I got a horrendous haircut
  3. HAIR GEL
  4. Its length fluctuates with my weight
  5. It’s blonde and straight but I do a bunch of weird things to it most of the time
  6. I do that thing that every boy did in middle school where I spike up the bangs

How many sexual partners have you had?

  1. A lot but you can’t blame me because I’m hot
  2. Less than most people but that’s because I grew up overweight so I had a late start
  3. Only like three if I’m counting correctly
  4. I’m probably still a virgin
  5. A regular amount including Paul Rudd
  6. So many I’m surprised there’s never been an episode about my inevitable STDs

What kind of pets do you have?

  1. I used to have a pet poodle growing up but it died
  2. Um pets are way too dirty
  3. I used to have a monkey because that was the pinnacle of ‘90s comedy
  4. A chick and a duck
  5. I adopted the rats that live in my apartment
  6. A chick and a duck

What’s your biggest fear?

  1. Getting fat
  2. Getting fat again
  3. Rachel realizing she could do better than me
  4. Rejection
  5. Going back to living on the streets
  6. Someone eating my sandwich

Have you ever gotten fired from a job?

  1. Yes, because I tried to get a job with Gucci which I wasn’t even qualified for in the first place to be honest
  2. Yes, because I stole some really expensive steaks without paying for them
  3. Yes, because I hooked up with a student who was half my age
  4. Yes, because I didn’t want to live in Oklahoma
  5. Yes, because I tried to have sex with a client
  6. Yes, because I’m really bad at what I do

Where is your favorite place to hang out?

  1. A local coffee shop
  2. A local coffee shop
  3. A local coffee shop
  4. A local coffee shop
  5. A local coffee shop
  6. A local coffee shop

Which word does your name rhyme with?

  1. Nothing rhymes with my name ugh
  2. Hanukkah
  3. Boss
  4. Sandler
  5. Geebie
  6. Snowy

Mostly 1’s: You’re Rachel! You came to the Big Apple after dipping out of your own wedding – what a power move! Then you cut yourself off from your daddy’s money – what an even bigger power move! You’re smart, interesting, and sexy even in your most awkward moments. Sure, you ended up giving up your dream job for a man, but hey, we all have flaws. Three cheers for a great name!


Mostly 2’s: You’re Monica! You grew up overweight, which, by all societal standards, should mean you wouldn’t have any sort of success in life. And yet! You scored an impossibly great apartment (thanks, Grandma!), landed a husband (he’s not so bad!) and gained a successful career as a chef (which only makes sense considering your childhood!). It’s all inevitably because you managed to lose all that weight – otherwise who knows where you would (or wouldn’t!) be. Three cheers for being skinny!


Mostly 3’s: You’re Ross! Man, that sucks!


Mostly 4’s: Could you BE any more Chandler? You get through tough situations and repressed emotions through your mediocre humor and low-hanging-fruit jokes. You made dad jokes before dad jokes were even a thing. How innovative! Three cheers for the invention of laugh tracks!


Mostly 5’s: You’re Phoebe! You did a ton of drugs while you were growing up, and now you’re dealing with the ramifications of adulthood on a heavily warped brain. But! You have a job, an apartment, great friends, and you even get to be married to Paul Rudd, so I’d say things turned out pretty well. Three cheers for unlikely resilience!


Mostly 6’s: You’re Joey! You are super dumb but super suave, which is all women really want in a man! You’re not that great at your job as an actor, but you still manage to get by with the occasional gig and the even more occasional side job. Luckily New York women in the ’90s don’t care about money. Or maybe you charge them all, and that’s how you get by. Who knows! Three cheers for sex, and three more cheers for being so successful at it!


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I’m Trying to Get Better at Taking Pictures During Important Moments

I titled this post “I’m Trying to Get Better at Taking Pictures During Important Moments” because I’m trying to get better at taking pictures during important moments.

The last wedding I attended (okay, the last every wedding I attended) I failed miserably at capturing any sort of photo, leaving me with just a blur of memories destined to fade forever.

But not this time, my friends.

During my most recent wedding ceremony event (I think that’s the formal name for it), I was determined not to let this happen again. In a moment of desperation, flooded with flashbacks of photo-less weddings and memories lost forever, I took a break from socializing (okay, eating), grabbed my camera, and took as many pictures as I could before I got hungry again.

Sure, everyone was mildly perplexed and perhaps even a little disgruntled at this sudden interruption.

And sure, they’re all selfies so you won’t get to see any pictures of the ceremony, the décor, that magician that everyone was impressed but confused by, or even the newlywed couple themselves.

But I’m finally getting better at taking pictures during important moments.

And so this is me sharing it.


This is Megan.

This is Corey.

This is Christina.

This is Kolt. He said my arms are too short for selfies.

So he used his own arm and now I look like a tiny human.

He also let me have a bite of his cookie, which I thought was kind.

And then Anthony wanted in on the tiny person pic. Or he was trying to get a bite of my cookie, I can’t remember.

Remember Christina from earlier?

Still trying to get a bite of my cookie even though I don’t have it anymore.

I circled the people who didn’t want to be in the picture but were anyway.

I circled the now one person who didn’t want to be in the picture.

And then I drew an arrow towards the person that should’ve been in it but got pushed out.

I circled the one person who was “OVER IT”

“THERE’S NO WRONG MOVE.”

We chose the worst lighting possible because we were so sick of everyone telling us how great we looked that night.

WE ARE HAVING SO MUCH FUN

SO ARE WE

We are not.

Way better at selfies than me.

About the same at selfies as me.

I just told him something sad.

I just told her something philosophical.

This is Emilee, she cuts my hair sometimes!

Really excited that it was finally her turn to take a selfie with me, probably

This is my very best friend who has the most kissable cheeks.

See?

This is Amber, who is also better at selfies than me.

This is Sarah WHO JUST GOT MARRIED

This is Jesse, SO DID HE.

This is Kathryn, she didn’t.

We took this with someone else’s phone. I can’t remember why but I know it was really funny at the time.

My mouth looks weird because I was eating pizza but pretending not to.


Congratulations, Sarah and Jesse! Thank you for the opportunity to help me get better at taking pictures during important moments.

I Just Have One of Those Faces

They say everyone has a döppelganger, but I have millions of them.

At least once a month, I can count on a stranger thinking they know me, or at least that they’ve seen me before.

Sometimes I get approached, but it’s usually someone I’m already interacting with for one reason or another. Occasionally someone will even confuse me for someone else.

Most frequently, it happens when I’m meeting someone for the first time. The handshakes and introductions happen, followed – on their end – by a long pause, hard stare, and something along the lines of “You look really familiar.”

THE TIME I GOT TO FLY A LOT WITHOUT HAVING TO FLY A LOT

Last year, while waiting for a flight at the Richmond Airport, I was sitting at the Cross Grain Brewhouse bar. I ordered a drink and when the bartender brought it, he set it down and stared at me for a second longer than is socially appropriate before saying, “You fly a lot, don’t you? I see you here all the time.”

I had never sat at that particular bar in my life – and no, I don’t fly a lot.

This kind of thing has happened to me in bars that I’ve never previously been to, states that I hadn’t visited before, and even different countries.

BRUNCHING

Once I was brunching (I’m not yet white girl enough to say this word without putting it in italics, indicating that I’m saying it ironically) at Millie’s Diner with a group of friends. Even though it’s one of my favorite brunching spots, I don’t go very often – and at the time, hadn’t been in years.

When the four of us sat down, the server came over to give the spiel. She described the specials, took our drink orders, and tossed out a couple of recommendations. She asked if anyone had dined here in the past, but before anyone could answer, she looked straight at me and said, “Well I know you have, you come in here all the time.”

I heard a story one time about a sleepwalker whose condition was so bad, he once went out to the beach in the middle of the night and murdered someone. In his sleep.

Was I too plagued by sleepwalking?

But instead of murder, I just go to brunch?

If that’s the case, if my inner psyche craves brunch so badly that it goes without my conscious mind realizing, then I must be more white girl than I realized and I will now have to stop italicizing brunching. You can congratulate me with a yoga mat and a glass of rosé.

But no – I’m not a brunch sleepwalker.

I can only attribute this burden with one truth: I just have one of those faces.

YOUR CELEBRITY LOOK-A-LIKE IS…

In addition to people thinking I’m someone else, or someone they’ve seen before, I get a lot of “You remind me so much of this other person…” I’m often compared to someone’s neighbor, someone’s coworker, or someone’s distant cousin.

Last week, I was compared to someone’s son’s wife’s sister (“But don’t worry, she’s very pretty. It’s a compliment.”).

I’ve also received a handful of celebrity comparisons in my day, but here’s the thing: I’ve never gotten anyone more than once.

One time at a blood drive in high school, one of the nurses was convinced I looked just like…

Jennifer Aniston

One time when I was a server, a customer at my table told me I looked exactly like…

Maggie Gyllenhaal

Once a stranger told me I was the spitting image of…

Jessica Biel

A former coworker used to constantly say how much I resembled…

Jenna Fischer (but only in The Office)

One time on a press trip, a fellow writer told me I reminded her so much of…

Velma

The internet thinks I look like…

Serena Ryder (I had to look up who that is)

But everyone always tells me I could pass for…

Carmen Electra

Okay, maybe I made that one up

WAIT A SECOND. ARE YOU JUST FISHING FOR COMPLIMENTS, HOPING PEOPLE WILL TELL YOU THAT THERE’S NO ONE ELSE QUITE LIKE YOU … AND THAT MAYBE YOU DO ACTUALLY KIND OF RESEMBLE CARMEN ELECTRA?

Yes.

Thank you all in advance.