My Latest Car Inspection Report

Inspection Summary for: MARSH, RACHEL D.

05/09/2017 1:52 PM


1999 Honda CR-V EX RED

Odometer In: 240966

License: XYY-8047


Sub Estimate #1

Lube, oil and filter

Labor: $35

Parts: $117.52

Total Taxes: $17.83

Sub Estimate Total: $170.35


Sub Estimate #2

R&R front disc rotor and alignment

Labor: $57

Parts: $478.98

Total Taxes: $90.05

Sub Estimate Total: $626.03


Sub Estimate #3

Radiator air shutter

Labor: $125

Parts: $732.60

Total Taxes: $208.75

Sub Estimate Total: $1,066.35


Sub Estimate #4

Something something something something car terms blah blah blah

Labor: $679

Parts: $2,450.38

Total Taxes: $980.57

Sub Estimate Total: $4,109.95


Sub Estimate #5

Automatic power steering transmission fluid I’m blue da ba dee da ba daa system flush exchange disc rotors hips don’t lie catalytic converter mmbop oil filter engine replacement.

Labor: $1,975

Parts: $3,050.45

Total Taxes: $778.94

Sub Estimate Total: $5,804.39


Sub Estimate #6

A voltage regulator, whatever the heck that is

Labor: $480

Parts: $3,728.55

Total Taxes: $752.90

Sub Estimate Total: Call your parents


Sub Estimate #7

Family vacation to Cancun

Labor: $4,085

Parts: $5,728.55

Total Taxes: $1,752.90

Sub Estimate Total: Your firstborn child


Sub Estimate #8

Transmission harmonic torque converter module

Labor: A LOT

Parts: We don’t even know if there’s a number for this

Total Taxes: Your rent for a year

Sub Estimate Total: Bankruptcy


Grand Total All Sub Estimates: the equivalent to your entire college tuition, times three, plus six years of indentured slavery, with an additional $65 service fee.

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Things I Accomplished at 28

Just as a reminder to everyone, my birthday is on Thursday (February 2). And since my birthday is this week (February 2), I’ve started reflecting on the last year of my life (since the last February 2), and what I’ve accomplished at 28 (which began February 2, 2016). Not to toot my own horn, but my 28th year (which is ending on Thursday, February 2) has been full of success.

  • I went a full day without chewing gum
  • I mastered phallic latte art
  • I ate produce from Farm Fresh and lived to tell about it
  • I voted
  • For pizza

pizza

  • I learned how to make poached eggs (with these silicone floating cups my mom gave me, but it still counts)
  • I took a bunch of pictures of this dog

syndey3

sydney2

sydney1

  • I got three free haircuts
  • I held a baby
  • I STILL HAVE MY CAR (this is an accomplishment)
  • I drank Guinness out of a diet iced tea bottle (this is also an accomplishment)
  • I had a meme made of me

meme

  • I got published here
  • And here
  • And here
  • And here
  • And here
  • I got a tweet liked by Jason’s Deli (#blessed)
  • I traveled to five different states
  • I re-learned how to ski
  • I re-learned how to use the Richmond bus system
  • I re-learned the sign language for “turtle”
  • I’m a robot!

robot

  • I saw my old high school classmates at my reunion
  • I got an anonymous note on my car from a loyal fan

improvqueen

  • I moved unwillingly
  • I became a man

man

  • I became a mom!

mom

  • I watched that 45-minute YouTube video of Nick Offerman sitting in a leather chair by a fireplace
  • I stood in a four-hour line for a tattoo
  • I volunteered at Comfort Zone Camp three times (as should everyone else seriously sign up it’s a great cause)
  • I dined with Seinfeld

seinfeld

  • I went five days in a row without showering (ON ACCIDENT)
  • I finally saw a Star Wars movie (joking, I didn’t)
  • I finally stopped believing in Santa Claus (joking, I didn’t)
  • I paid my credit card on time every month
  • I got a salad at Chipotle