Farewell, Crossroads

Well, friends and readers, the day has come. I’ve found a full time job. Which means a whole lot of things, but one of them is that I’ll have to quit my part time job at Crossroads Coffee and Ice Cream.

In all my experience in the service industry, this has easily been the most consistently laidback position I’ve ever worked. I’m going to miss the coworkers, the laughs, and above all, the free coffee. But what I’ll miss more than anything are the regulars.

A 14-year-old coffee shop located in the middle of a neighborhood on a high-traffic road is bound to bring in a lot of regular customers. I would like to take this time to commemorate each of them, but, to protect their privacy from my high profile blog, I’m just going to refer to all of the regulars by their orders instead of their names.


Cinnamon Raisin Bagel with One Egg Patty and a Side of Grape Jelly

I don’t really understand your breakfast preferences but you are the smiliest person I’ve ever met and are the only white person in my current life who calls me “Miss Rachel.”

Large Iced Coffee in a 24-oz Tervis Tumbler with Refill

This time two years ago, if someone had asked me if it was possible for someone to drink that much coffee in the span of 15 minutes, I would have said no. Thank you for showing me that anything is possible.

Large Coffee and a Cinnamon Chip Scone

It’s pronounced “scone.” NOT “SCON.”

Small Coffee with a Fruit and Yogurt Parfait

You’re shy and sweet and smile a lot, and you always insist on buying something you could just make at home. I will miss our brief interactions, many of which consist of me commenting on your scrubs.

Large Nonfat Decaf Latte

What’s the point?

Egg Sandwich on a Croissant with Pesto

Thank you for the weird cartoon you drew me last year, acknowledging how much you enjoyed the sandwich I made.

Pork Rinds

Hey, lady, I saw you sneaking pork rinds into Crossroads every day. And not buying anything. And getting mad at me whenever I ask you not to bring in outside food because it’s a health code violation. I sure am going to miss you. And your crazy eyes. And your bigoted conversations about gay marriage.

Everything Bagel with Vegan Cream Cheese and Avocado

It took me forever to realize…

Egg and Cheese Sandwich on Wheat Bread

…that you two were married.

Large Mocha Smoothie with Whip

I’m sincerely sorry that you dislike your job as a teacher so much. I’m sorry that you have a classroom ratio of 30:1. I agree that the education system is really screwed up. I agree that teachers are treated poorly and severely underpaid. But please stop complaining to your baristas. And for gosh sake’s, tip them once in awhile.

Small Iced Mocha

I look forward to the day when I too can retire and spend my afternoons on the patio of a local coffee shop, wearing Hawaiian shirts and drinking cold beverages.

Large Vanilla Chai Smoothie with Whip

I thought you were kind of strange and then I read a local article about you and how you used to fly Black Op helicopters for the army, so now I’m too intimidated to talk to you.

Egg Patty on Gluten Free Bread with a Dry Almond Milk Cappuccino

You are a person that knows what you like, and I have to admire that about you. But please get yourself acquainted with some seasonings. Or some condiments or something.

Southpark Tie Guy

I couldn’t categorize you by your order because you’re wildly inconsistent, but let me just say that your ability to turn any karaoke song into a show tune is something in my life I never thought I would see.


pic

 

Farewell, Crossroads. And an extra special farewell to its regulars. You guys drove me crazy and kept me sane all at the same time.

Or was that the constant over-consumption of caffeine?

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Things I’ve learned from working at a coffee shop

Last October when I returned from Europe, I found a job at a local coffee shop. I’ve worked in the service industry on and off throughout my life, but this is the first coffee shop of my employment history. And I have to admit, it’s one of the most laidback jobs I’ve ever had.

I only say “one of the most laidback jobs I’ve ever had” and not “the most laidback job I’ve ever had” because in high school I worked at a hospital gift shop where I would eat candy for free and occasionally ring someone up for a bouquet of flowers.

But even though it’s easygoing, I don’t mean that it’s easy. There’s always a lot to do, and there are so many things I’ve learned.

  • People are really moody when they are anxious for caffeine
    • Myself included.
  • It’s amazing how many customers get the same thing every time they come
    • I mean is that egg patty on gluten free bread actually tasty enough to eat every day?
  • Blue tape is a vital staple in day to day life
Blue Tape

Or maybe this is just a Crossroads thing?

 

  • People don’t really like making decisions. We have an entire questionnaire for a single sandwich, and by the end, people are exhausted.
    • Do you want your tuna on white, wheat, rye, or ciabatta? Do you want lettuce and tomatoes and onions on it? Do you want mayonnaise? Mustard? Do you want to add cheese? Do you want chips, fruit, cous cous, or coleslaw on the side? Do you want it for here or to go? Are you paying in cash or credit? Who are you voting for in the next election? Where are you going to retire? Do you think there’s an afterlife?
  • New cutting knives are so important that each shift is held accountable for their whereabouts

Knives

 

  • If you wear too much of one type of thing, customers will start to point it out
    • IF I WANTED YOUR FASHION ADVICE ON THE APPROPRIATE AMOUNT OF FLANNEL TO WEAR I WOULD HAVE ASKED, THANKS.
  • I really suck at latte art
Dick Latte

YES I KNOW WHAT THIS LOOKS LIKE. PORNOGRAPHIC LATTE ART IS THE ONLY KIND OF LATTE ART I’M GOOD AT, SO IF YOU EVER DRINK ANYTHING I MAKE, JUST KNOW WHAT YOU’RE IN FOR.

 

  • Having your baby hand me the credit card isn’t nearly as original as you think it is
    • But as long as you politely laugh at my “Oh it’s her treat tonight, huh?” joke, then I will politely pretend that it’s the first time I’ve seen anyone do that.
  • Turkey sandwiches and cold brew coffee are really nice smelling things.
    • …But not when that smell infiltrates your clothes and hair and skin and pores and blood vessels. I set up a biohazard zone in the corner of my bedroom labeled “used work clothes” that I heavily sanitize before wearing again. Or just burn, if I completely give up.

 

Why I Love Valentine’s Day

I absolutely love the Valentine’s Day holiday. I know, I know…a lot of people say it’s “just another Hallmark holiday,” that it’s “too commercialized,” or that it’s “A day that makes single people feel bad about themselves.” But I disagree! I think it’s a day full of love and romance that should be honored like all other important holidays. There are so many reasons to commemorate it.

  • It’s a day for couples to remember how in love they are. When there are pink paper hearts adorning every coffee shop window, heart-shaped chocolate boxes sprinkled throughout grocery store aisles, and diamond commercials in between TV shows, how could you not fall more in love with your other half?
  • Nothing says “Thank you for being my support system, my best friend through thick and thin, and loving me through all of life’s challenges” like a dozen slowly dying roses.
  • Christmas, birthdays, anniversaries…wait, is that all? Wow. To be honest, couples just don’t have enough holidays to give each other gifts. Good thing someone thought to add another one.
  • New Year’s resolutions were frankly starting to make a lot of people way too thin and in shape. A steak dinner, red wine, and a very large box of chocolates will weaken willpower in no time.
  • A lot of single people are single for a reason, and it’s important to remind them that they’re alone in the world. Valentine’s Day is a good wake up call for those without a significant other to take an introspective look at themselves and figure out what’s wrong with their personality.
  • How are elementary school classes going to figure out who the popular kids are unless they can count which students got the most valentines?
  • Mothers are honored on Mother’s Day, fathers are honored on Father’s Day, and veterans are honored on Veteran’s Day. Why do all of these important people get a special day but couples don’t? Oh wait! They do!
  • Christmas is long gone, and boy Hallmark is suffering! Valentine’s Day helps them to get back on track with frilly cards dedicated to love.
  • The population is rapidly dwindling. Scientists say that the planet is way underpopulated and at this rate in 100 years, humanity will be completely diminished. Oysters, dark chocolate, and Valentine’s Day are all natural aphrodisiacs, so, couples! Start reproducing!
  • Let’s be honest, everyone. These days, single people have all the fun. In between showing up to parties alone, staying in on Saturday nights, and desperately swiping through the scarce selection on Tinder, they’re hogging all the good times. It’s important to remind couples that, hey! You’re special, too!
  • Valentine’s Day…what a great test for men! Does he love his woman enough to make the right plans on the most romantic day of the year? Or does he make plans that don’t really meet her expectations, proving that he doesn’t even care about her at all? Ah, the anticipation!
  • These days, couples just don’t post enough of their business on social media. I mean, WHERE did you guys have brunch on Sunday?! WHAT do you look like when you’re kissing by the seashore?? I’m DYING to see a video of you both singing Taylor Swift in the car! Give us SOMETHING, guys! There’s not enough of you on my feed! This holiday presents a great reminder for couples to post selfies of themselves “On a Valentine’s Day hike,” “Having a romantic night in,” or “Getting a V-day cocktail with my babe lol.”

So Happy Valentine’s Day everyone! Enjoy celebrating!