Happy Sexy Halloween!

“In the real world, Halloween is when kids dress up in costumes and beg for candy. In Girl World, Halloween is the one day a year when a girl can dress up like a total slut and no other girls can say anything else about it.”

Happy Halloween, everyone! It’s the time of year to watch scary movies without judgment and eat bagfuls of chocolate without judgment and wear a costume that just so happens to indiscreetly show off all of your sexiest parts without judgment!

For decades (centuries?) women (people?) have figured out ways to turn the most generic Halloween costume into a tight, revealing, low-cut version of that costume we all probably wore as trick-or-treating children.

Nurse? Easy.

Cop? Check.

Pirate? Duh.

Maid? You can dust my surfaces, baby.

Cat? Meoooww.

Disney princess? Honestly Disney made that too easy in the first place.

So just as people have done with medical professionals, law enforcers, and mammals, this Halloween I too am going to turn a mundane costume into a sexxxy-with-three-X’s one. Meet: Sexy Rachel Marsh

REGULAR RACHEL MARSH

A. Shoulder-length brown hair that’s often frizzy no matter how much anti-frizz serum it has in it

B. Glasses! Desperately needed for vision!

C. Lips coated with a fresh tube of Burt’s Bees original chapstick – which not only provides a subtle layer of moisture, but also a light tingling sensation!

D. Jewelry? None for me, thanks!

E. Who needs multiple flannels in your wardrobe rotation when you can have just one?!

F. This white shirt is great because it looks good under any cardigan, flannel, or light jacket – or just by itself on a sunny spring or summer day!

G. These high-waisted black pants from the Gap are so dang practical!

H. Sensible slip-on Toms – gray in color so they go with simply everything!

Trying to get that same classic Rachel Marsh look this Halloween, but with a much sluttier twist? Look no further than…

SEXY RACHEL MARSH

A. Look at this tousled sexy hair. Did she just finish making love? Who knows…! 😉

B. Sexy eye makeup that just screams “don’t you want me.” Is that mascara on those lashes?!

C. “Do these earrings bring out my inner hooker?”

D. Red lipstick that hopefully looks like it belongs somewhere on the collar of a married man’s white button-up

E. Who needs 20/20 vision with a roguish grin like this…

F. A little bit of cleavage because you’re trying to look sexy

G. A little bit of bra because you’re trying to look sexy

H. This white shirt is great because it looks good without any cardigan, flannel, or light jacket – and it can be instantly removed on a sunny spring or summer day!

I. Why would you wear a red flannel over your entire torso when you can just slip it around your hips?

J. These little black shorts are an homage to the Gap pants, but way sluttier

K. These fishnet stockings are an homage to the Gap pants, but way sluttier

L. These black high heels scream “watch me walk” while also making it as uncomfortable as possible to do that exact thing. They are the perfect final touch to help you strut your sexy Rachel Marsh costume in front of everyone.

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