The Time I Met Gary Gulman

Last week, I went to the West Coast for the first time.

I told everyone that I was going so I could explore a new place and see new sites and catch up with old friends and family.

But the main reason I went was to see my comedy idol, Gary Gulman (this just links back to this post because how dare you try to leave my blog while I’m trying to tell you about meeting Gary Gulman. Google him yourself if you’re so interested).

I first learned about Mr. Gulman (I call him Gary) when he appeared on Last Comic Standing (go ahead, click on it, see what happens) in 2004. He lost to Alonzo Bodden (I just linked this to the website GaryGulmanShouldHaveWonNotAlonzoBodden.com, but I have not purchased the domain yet).

He won me over with his charm, approachability, and clean humor.

Listen, I love a good dick joke as much as the next guy. Michelle Wolf even made me wheeze-laugh at a fart joke once. But someone who’s able to make a ten minute joke about Nilla Wafers hilarious? MARRY ME ALREADY.

So when I was trying to figure out when to fly to the West Coast, I tailored my itinerary around his tour schedule. I even bought my ticket to his show before I purchased my seat on the plane.

His show, as it turned out, was phenomenal, it was everything I hoped it would be and more. I laughed, I cried (laugh cried), and he even took my suggestion when he opened the floor up for joke requests.

And when I found out there would be a “Meet & Greet” after the show, I shoved my way through the crowd immediately after the lights went up (and made a few enemies along the way) to meet him.

Most people I’ve told have been like “What did you guys talk about when you met him?!”

Actually most people were like “Wait, who is that?”

But everyone else that knew or at least pretended to know who Gary Gulman is was super excited for me and just dying to know how our conversational exchange went.

So I’ll show you.


THE MEET & GREET

Let me just see if you’re the rough hand or soft hand kind of person

I just learned how to do this cool thing with my fingers where I pinch them together really tightly
You told us everyone says you’re taller than they realized, but I actually think you’re shorter than I realized! Do you see what I did there? Ha, ha. I do comedy too.
You smile like you’re having fun and I’ll smile super weird
Now I’ll smile like I’m having fun and you smile weird
Now let’s both look like we just learned what smiling is a few days ago
Gary, are you going to say anything during this entire exchange?
Okay you’re squeezing me a little too tightly, I’m sorry, I was joking about the height thing
Would you rather I called you Mr. Gulman?
By the way, Alonzo Bodden is not nearly as funny as you are. I’m going to make a whole website about it someday

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