Things I Wish People Would Invent and Then Bring to Shark Tank So That the Product Could Be Better Funded and Distributed and Then I Could Buy It

Have you ever been going through your day, reach an inconvenience, and then think: I wish someone would invent a product to make this thing less inconvenient? And then you wish that person would take the product onto Shark Tank so that it could have hundreds of thousands of dollars – plus the support of a billionaire – backing it, allowing it to multiply in production, and also improve its overall quality due to its sudden increase of funding, ultimately giving you access to purchase it and improve your life?

I’ve thought about that too.

And in fact, I’ve made a list of not-yet-invented products in my life that this applies to. So I thought, on the off-chance that a current or future inventor reads this blog, I would share those ideas for guidance and inspiration.

  • A car that texts for you because texting and driving can be really difficult at times, particularly during a rainstorm or rush hour
  • A phone charger that unplugs from your phone and plugs into a different phone overnight so that you and your partner can both have fully charged phones in the morning instead of having to decide who gets the charger that night
  • Spaghetti noodles that cut themselves into bite-sized pieces so you don’t have to do that whole twirling thing on your fork
  • Cars that blow heat immediately when you turn it on instead of waiting like five minutes
  • Actually, same for sinks and hot water
  • A Christmas tree that goes invisible after Christmas so you don’t have to deal with it when the holidays are over
  • Raisins in cookies that turn into chocolate chips when you think that they’re chocolate chips
  • A vacuum cleaner that sounds like babies laughing instead of the end of the world
  • A device that kills each cockroach the moment they’re born
  • Weather that turns into spring when it’s supposed to be spring
  • Transition lenses, but for contacts
  • A tiny angel that emerges from your TV whenever Netflix asks “Are you still watching?” while yes, you are still watching, and tells you not to feel bad about yourself and reminds you that it’s okay to stay home and watch TV for a socially inappropriate amount of time
  • Canadian geese that turn into small kittens when they approach you
  • A toaster that just comes to your apartment when you need one, because I don’t have one
  • A pillow that whispers positive affirmations in your ear when you can’t sleep so you don’t lie awake thinking about your insecurities and failures and things you have to do tomorrow that you don’t want to
  • A basket for sorting socks with eight separate cups, which rotate around for the user’s ease, in which you can place one sock on each cup and then push into the basket upon finding its match, because let’s face it, families lose on average 60 pairs of socks per year and the tragedy needs to end
  • Oh wait, that already exists!
  • A printer that prints out quesadillas when you get hungry. But still serves as a printer when you need it
  • A GPS that takes you to your destination no matter where that destination is instead of taking you to a field in the middle of nowhere and saying you’ve arrived, which is wildly inconvenient because you thought you’d be right on time but instead now you have to figure out where you even are
  • Ketchup juice that’s actually just more ketchup so ketchup juice stops existing
  • Something that puts a Snap Chat smile filter onto the faces of Post Office employees so it looks like they actually like their jobs and you have a more pleasant experience there
  • A friend that gives you their Hulu Plus account information so you can use it at your own home (any friend, any friend at all…)
  • A device that tells you if your Uber driver is talkative so you can know whether or not to pretend to be deaf
  • A giant Jenga game set that turns into dust whenever somebody tries to play it so that nobody can ever play Giant Jenga
  • A president that turns into Obama when he takes office

I would also like something to be invented that destroys all of those XLERATOR hand dryers.

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