Food Porn. Or…the Off-Brand Version

I’m not a very good cook.

Look, I’m not just trying to be humble, or cast out a fishing line in search of compliments and reassurance.

I really just have no patience for cooking, or interest in learning. Bad cooking is a curse that was bestowed upon my family, and unfortunately passed along to me. Just ask my dad, who kept Shake ‘n Bake in business during our childhood and made it popular long before Talladega Nights.

Or my grandma, who once almost burned down the kitchen on Thanksgiving.

This is a true story.

Anyone who knows me, or has to live with me (God bless you, Kathleen…) knows that I have plenty of talents, but culinary arts simply is not one of them.

But that doesn’t mean I don’t cook. I actually cook all the time. I’m just not necessarily proud of anything I make, nor would I ever dare to share it with someone else.

Anyway, as you can imagine, I’ve never been one of those people that takes pictures of my food. You know the type. Those people who make some sort of incredible paella dish or brunch feast, and document it on Instagram for everyone to see and envy? Those people that I half hate, half desperately want to invite me over for dinner once in awhile.

But bad cook nonetheless, I did start to wonder what it would look like if I was one of those take-pictures-of-their-meals people.

And here’s what happened.


 

Soup

For best results, add enough hot sauce to eliminate other flavors.


 

Popcorn

It didn’t burn!


 

IMG_7341

Close enough.


 

IDK

I can’t remember what I meant for this to be.


 

Ranch

Lettuce + dressing = salad!


 

Chipotle

The reason to have a roommate is for their leftovers splitting rent.


 

Tuna

No dishes required.


 

Tuna Crackers

Or pair with crackers!


 

IMG_7434

Ingredients for grilled cheese: some sort of bread, some sort of cheese, some sort of pan.


 

IMG_6141

Ketchup…


 

IMG_6146

Solves…


 

IMG_7442

All…


 

IMG_7439

Problems.


 

IMG_7432

Just kidding, it’s from a cookbook.


 

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2 thoughts on “Food Porn. Or…the Off-Brand Version

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