Election Day

Well, tomorrow is Election Day. Tomorrow, all of the political ads will finally go away and we get to decide who our president will be for the next four years. Now, this has been a hot election season and many people may not be a huge fan of the two presidential candidates. Perhaps some people think one is a bit untrustworthy. Perhaps some people think one has no respect for minorities. Perhaps some people think one has a shady political history. Perhaps some people think one has no idea what he (I mean, he or she) is doing.

So, if you’re one of those people, I’ve compiled a list of the Top 40 alternative candidates to write-in on your ballot tomorrow.

  • Kevin Spacey
  • Oprah’s best friend Gayle
  • David Sedaris
  • Al Roker
  • Pizza rat
  • Bernie
  • Obama again
  • A piñata
  • Bill Nye
  • The tooth fairy
  • Me
  • Ben or Jerry
  • The ghost of Harambe
  • Ellen
  • Sydney, my mom’s 15-year-old Australian shepherd
  • Nick Offerman
  • Nick Offerman’s mustache
  • Bagel the Beagle
  • Kim Possible
  • Judge Judy
  • Ken Bone
  • Ken Jennings
  • A Ken doll
  • Ken’s brand ranch dressing
  • Uncle Jesse
  • That dancing baby from the 90’s
  • The guy who did the “You’ve Got Mail” voice
  • Omarosa from season 1 of The Apprentice
  • Austin Powers
  • Siri
  • The kid I babysat in high school who collected her bloody nose tissues and put them in a tupperware container under her bed
  • Either of the Olsen twins (or both)
  • The soup Nazi
  • Toucan Sam
  • Any of the Ninja Turtles
  • George Foreman
  • Bob Barker (the side of him who cares about everyone spaying or neutering their pets, not the side of him who sleeps with Bob’s Beauties)
  • Correction: Bob Barker (the side of him who cares about everyone spaying or neutering their pets, not OR the side of him who sleeps with Bob’s Beauties)
  • Archer
  • Steve Buscemi’s character from Fargo

 

Good luck at polls tomorrow, guys! Don’t forget to vote!

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