My Big Fat High School Reunion

Are “My Big Fat Greek Wedding” references still relevant? And/or funny? Please let me know.

Anyway, my high school reunion is coming up.

Which officially means I am an adult. My job and rent and credit score and tax refunds and personal health insurance didn’t convince me of that; but ten years post-high school graduation certainly did.

So far, there’s already been plenty of backlash about the event. As with any organized occasion, there’s a handful of unhappy people; people complaining about the date, or time, or venue, or cost. Or the fact that it’s happening in Richmond, even though that’s where we all lived when we were in high school. Or the fact that it’s in a cidery and might smell like alcohol. Or the fact that it’s interfering with a birthday weekend. Or that some people are too busy having babies and being married.

Luckily I still live in Richmond, don’t have any children or husbands, and never have Saturday night plans, so my former classmates can count on seeing me there.

However, I’m not really sure what to expect from spending an evening in a room with my fellow James River High School peers. So, I’ve narrowed it down to a variety of situations that I should be prepared for.

  • Only the successful graduates show up, and I’m forced to listen to them talk about their graduate degrees and large salaries and yachts and I end up leaving feeling useless and hopeless and like I wasted the past ten years of my life.
  • Only the unsuccessful graduates show up, and I’m forced to listen to them talk about their unemployment and welfare checks and life in their parents’ basement and I end up leaving feeling intelligent and powerful and like I spent the past ten years doing all the right things.
  • No one remembers who I am.
  • Everyone is impressed with my accomplishments and good looks, and I am finally accepted after all of these years, and all of the popular girls get my number and want to hang out soon, and later that night I hook up with both the Prom King and the former captain of the football team. Then everyone tries to give me the title of Prom Queen, but I refuse because I would hate to take that away from what’s-her-face after ten years because “honestly, that’s all she has anymore!” And everyone laughs and high fives me and high school is suddenly exactly how I wanted it to be.
  • I show up, get a little drunk, chat briefly with the people I remember in high school but didn’t keep in touch with, and spend the rest of the night hanging out with the high school friends that I still see on a regular basis.
  • Decide last minute not to show up because that’s the same day that that new movie “Mascots” comes out on Netflix.
  • Show up and play High School Reunion Bingo.



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