Spoiler Alert: There’s Not Much to See Out the Window

Well, I just spent the past five days tearing up New York City like it was nobody’s business.

I did some disco yoga in Prospect Park (neon and yoga mats!). I ate tofu while watching the sun set over the city (sunset recommended, tofu optional). I went roller skating in Brooklyn Park (and maybe knocked one or two kids over in the process). I tried Polish food for the first time (holy pickles). I ate the best bagel of my entire life (three times). I figured out how to use the subway system (thank you, Google Maps). I got a tattoo (Mom, I’m joking!).

That was the first half of my week in the state of New York. I called it the “Big Apple” half. Now I have reached the second half of my trip, the half I’m calling the “Big Wedding” half.

It’s not really a big wedding, it just went along with the “Big Apple,” and sounded better than “Moderately Sized, Actually More on the Small Side, Wedding.”

The moderately sized, actually more on the small side, wedding is in Olcott, New York (yeah, I had to Google it too). And since Olcott is in such a remote part of the state (seriously, look it up), the train was the most feasible (and really the only) option for getting there from New York City.

Which was fine, because the train is an inexpensive and spacious and safe method of traveling.

But holy crap is it boring.

I planned to do a play-by-play write up of the train activity during the eight hours of my trip. Maybe delve into the interesting people I meet, the weird conversations I overhear, the quirky things the conductors do, maybe even describe the succulent train cuisine. But not long after I boarded, I realized this is actually what it would look like:

1:16 PM: get on the train. Find a seat. Put suitcase up in the top rack. Sit down.

1:21 PM: look out the window

1:30 PM: look out the window

2:00 PM: look out the window

2:15 PM: look out the window

2:35 PM: look out the window

2:41 PM: look out the window

2:45 PM: fall asleep

2:50 PM: wake up. Hope hours have gone by. Check the time. Look out the window.

3:03 PM: look out the window

3:13 PM: look out the window

3:21 PM: look out the window

3:37 PM: look out the window

3:45 PM: look out the window

3:54 PM: look out the window

4:01 PM: look out the window

4:17 PM: look out the window

4:23 PM: look out the window

4:29 PM: look out the window

4:41 PM: look out the window

4:50 PM: look out the window

5:09 PM: look out the window

5:25 PM: look out the window

5:40 PM: look out the window

5:47 PM: Get a sandwich from the café car. Go back to my seat. Scrape off the excess mayonnaise. Pull off the turkey. Eat half.

5:59 PM: look out the window

6:10 PM: look out the window

6:22 PM: look out the window

6:35 PM: look out the window

6:47 PM: look out the window

6:54 PM: look out the window

7:03 PM: look out the window

7:15 PM: look out the window

7:23 PM: look out the window

7:46 PM: look out the window

7:57 PM: look out the window

8:11 PM: look out the window

8:13 PM: look out the window

8:25 PM: look out the window

8:37 PM: look out the window

8:52 PM: look out the window

8:59 PM: look out the window

9:03 PM: Arrive.

So, anyway, yeah. I hope the “Big Wedding” half of my trip is more exciting than the “Big Look Out the Window” part of it.

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