Phyllis, I Love You.

This….is Phyllis.


She and I have known each other for a very long time.

We’ve been through a lot of ups, and we’ve been through a lot of downs (remember that mailbox incident, Phyllis? You rear bumper still hasn’t forgiven me for that)

She was born in Japan, and we adopted her at a young age.

I named her Phyllis after this lady:

Both Phyllises are getting up there in age. Both are on the full-figured side. Both get tired easily and need a refresh fairly frequently ($45 a week, PHYLLIS??). But both are obliging, hospitable, and would never let you down.

Phyllis has loads of great features that I absolutely love about her.

There’s a little drawer made just for my gum.


And a pocket for the disposal of occasionally chewed gum.


She has a backseat that’s great for picnics


A secret compartment for all my treasures!


She always smells like fresh laundry



And she even holds a table, which I always forget about, but upon each rediscovery, vow to use it all the time.


She has airbags to keep me safe

Because she loves me


And a heater that, when it works, keeps me lukewarm

It’s on full blast Phyllis…pick up the pace a little


Yeah, she and I have had loads of good times. Here’s to the years to come, Phyllis.

(Well…months. Realistically.)


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